B'NEI MITZVAH AT

WILSHIRE BOULEVARD TEMPLE

Welcome to your home base for all forms and information pertaining to your Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah. We can't wait to share this simcha with you!

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Preparation

Preparation in our Schools

All students having a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah at Wilshire Boulevard Temple must be enrolled in one of our schools for the duration of their B'nei Mitzvah year.

Preparation with Your Rabbi and Cantor

The clergy at Wilshire Boulevard Temple are committed to spending significant time with each and every B'nei Mitzvah student. There are three required appointments with the Rabbi who will be with you on your Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah date as well as one group liturgy class with Cantor Gurney.

Theology meeting
D’var Torah meeting #1
D’var Torah meeting #2

In addition to the above meetings, questions, discussion and additional meetings are encouraged with your Rabbi. Please call Samantha at 213-835-2121 for Rabbi Leder or Rabbi Nickerson, and Selina at 424-208-8930 for Rabbi Eshel and Rabbi Shapiro.

All B'nei Mitzvah students will also meet individually with your assigned cantor. The Cantor will record your child’s Torah and Haftarah portions in an appropriate pitch for your child, and help with parent blessings and choosing honors.

Preparation with Your B'nei Mitzvah Tutor

All B'nei Mitzvah candidates are required to attend 28, 30-minute individual sessions with their assigned tutor. Any necessary sessions beyond the allotted 28 will be at the expense of the B'nei mitzvah family. These sessions are required and critical to helping your child prepare for the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah. If the student can not attend a scheduled session, please notify your tutor at least 24 hours prior to the scheduled session and be prepared to schedule a make-up session. You will be charged for cancellations within the 24 hour cancellation window. One parent must be present during the first session, but we ask that parents don't participate beyond the first session as this disrupts the tutor-student rapport. If tutoring is taking place at home, an adult must be at home while tutoring is taking place. B’nei Mitzvah instruction will begin approximately seven months prior to the service date. If you would like to book additional tutoring sessions, please complete this order form.

Rehearsal Information

Rehearsals take place during the final three weeks before your service under the guidance of your cantor either virtually, or at the campus where your Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah will take place. Parents are expected to be present for these three rehearsals. Students should bring the following with them to rehearsals:

Hard copy of your Torah and Haftarah portions
Hard copy of all speeches
Aliyot chart

While you do not need to dress up for these rehearsals, we do encourage students to wear the shoes they will wear during the service so they can practice walking around with the Torah.

Letter from Your Clergy

As your child prepares for the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah, they will study the Torah portion and learn the rituals, music, and prayers in order to feel fully prepared. Our goal is that during this process your family will feel supported, and that your child will feel challenged to learn and grow. It is also our goal that this process will connect your family more deeply with the clergy, staff, and community of Wilshire Boulevard Temple. We want you to know that we are here for you during these months and in the many years ahead. Thirteen years old is a beautiful age on the cusp of adolescence, a time of tremendous growth and transition. Together, we will instill your child with the wisdom and values of Judaism as he or she undoubtedly makes you and himself or herself proud on the bimah and long after.

L'shalom,

Rabbi Steven Z. Leder, Rabbi Elissa Ben-Naim, Rabbi David Eshel, Rabbi M. Beaumont Shapiro, Rabbi Joel Nickerson, Rabbi Susan Nanus, Cantor Don Gurney, Cantor Lisa Peicott and Cantor Kerith Spencer-Shapiro

Who's Who in the B'nei Mitzvah Journey

There is a famous African proverb that teaches it takes a village to raise a child. At Wilshire Boulevard Temple, we understand it takes a congregation to make a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah journey possible. Our shared goal is to celebrate a sacred moment in the life of a young adult.

Below is a who’s who on your B’nei Mitzvah journey. Please don’t hesitate to contact us with any questions or concerns!

The Clergy Team:

Rabbi Steven Z. Leder, Pritzker Chair of Senior Rabbinics

Rabbi David Eshel

Rabbi M. Beaumont Shapiro

Rabbi Joel Nickerson

Cantor Don Gurney

Cantor Lisa Peicott

Cantor Kerith Spencer-Shapiro

Each student and their family will be assigned a Rabbi who will work closely with the family and guide them through the B'nei Mitzvah process. They will help each student explore the meaning of their Torah portion and work with them on their d’var Torah. Assignments are made approximately one year prior to the date of the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah and students are required to attend a minimum of three meetings with their Rabbi.

The Education Team:

Cathy Gordon, Head of Religious School

Rachel Waltuch, Principal, Irmas Campus

Rabbi Ashley Berns-Chafetz, Principal, Glazer Campus

Brandon Cohen, Head of Elementary School, Brawerman

Rabbi Elissa Ben-Naim, Head of Judaic and Hebrew Studies, Brawerman Elementary School

Our education team at both the Religious School and Brawerman Elementary School are here to support and help you during this exciting and significant journey.

For questions about the Religious School, call (424) 208-8906 or email rsinfo@wbtla.org.

For questions about Brawerman Elementary School, call (424) 208-8934 or email info@brawerman.org.

B’nei Mitzvah Tutors

Tutors work one-on-one with students to prepare them for their service (28 sessions total). Tutors are assigned by the Cantor's office approximately one year prior to the service, and sessions begin approximately seven months prior to the ceremony. All sessions are included in the B’nei Mitzvah fee.

Logistics

Logistics for kiddush lunches and more are handled by Cheryl Mandel Garland, Planning and Events Manager. She can be reached at (213) 835-2167 or cgarland@wbtla.org.

Timeline

Please note: The dates listed below are prior to the date of the child’s Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah.

Three years:

Families receive the service date and location
Families are asked to pay $900 toward the $2,950 B’nei Mitzvah fee (fee includes B’nei Mitzvah materials and B’nei Mitzvah instruction)
Students participate in Wilshire Boulevard Temple religious school or elementary school

Three years-two years:

Families are invited to attend various family learning opportunities
Students participate in Wilshire Boulevard Temple religious school or elementary school

12 months - 9 months:

Families attend the B’nei Mitzvah Orientation. At the dinner, families are assigned a Rabbi who will work with your family for the remainder of the process, and officiate at the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah service. Your family will meet with the Rabbi at least three times over the course of several months to discuss theology and the service, and to begin the process of writing the D’var Torah (Torah speech)
The student and family attend a private meeting with Cantor Gurney, Cantor Peicott or Cantor Spencer- Shapiro
Families are invited to attend various family learning opportunities
Students participate in Wilshire Boulevard Temple religious school or elementary school

Seven months:

The student meets with their assigned B’nei Mitzvah instructor to begin learning his or her materials. Weekly meetings with the instructors commence (28 sessions total)

One month:

The student and family has three dress rehearsals with Cantor Gurney, Cantor Spencer-Shapiro or Cantor Peicott

B'nei Mitzvah Checklist

The following are required for every B'nei Mitzvah student:

Attend religious school through their 7th grade year.
B'nei Mitzvah Orientation- You and your student will be invited to a B'nei Mitzvah orientation evening ten months prior to your service when you will meet your assigned clergy, receive your Torah portion booklet, and learn about the B'nei Mitzvah process.
Theology Class - Theology classes are taught by our Rabbis. You will receive a list of dates to choose from. We encourage you to sign up for your assigned clergy, but you are welcome to attend any class works within your schedule.
Liturgy Class - Taught by Cantor Gurney, you will receive a class date at orientation.
D'var Torah- Your student will meet with your Rabbi at least three times to work on their D'var Torah, their B'nei Mitzvah speech.
Hineni - Required enrichment program for students having a 4:30 PM service or those families who wish to delve deeper into the B'nei Mitzvah journey.
Rehearsals - There will be several rehearsals scheduled within three weeks of your B'nei Mitzvah service. Parents are required to attend.

Options to consider:

Kippot for guests - Families contact outside vendors and order personalized kippot with their child's name and date of service.
Tallit for B'nei Mitzvah Child - Purchasing a Tallit for your B'nei Mitzvah child is always a nice way to commemorate the special ritual of becoming a B'nei Mitzvah. Some families choose to have their child wear a Tallit of someone special in the family. The Temple has a small selection of Tallit you can borrow, but please let us know in advance.
Parent Speeches - Parents are encouraged to give a short blessing or speech during the B'nei Mitzvah service. The clergy recommend no more than one page per parent.
Friday night Shabbat Services- Your family is expected to join our Temple's Friday night Shabbat serivces where you will participate with other B'nei Mitzvah families. The service location is on a rotating schedule so please reach out to Jen Kaufman at jkaufman@wbtla.org for specific dates. If you are interested in hosting a Shabbat dinner for your guests following the service, please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Kiddush Luncheon/Grab N' Go - Families have the option to host a luncheon or grab 'n go following the 10 AM service. If interested, please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer campus) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas campus) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Audrey Irmas Pavilion - If you are interested in having your party at the new Audrey Irmas Pavilion on the Glazer campus, please reach out to Kim Supple at ksupple@wbtla.org for availability and pricing information.
Buses - If you have 4:30 PM service and you choose to hire buses to take your young guests to your party location please contact Cheryl Garland (Glazer) at cgarland@wbtla.org or Bonnie Kebre (Irmas) at bkebre@wbtla.org.
Additional Tutoring- Please speak to your child's B'nei Mitzvah tutor if you feel extra tutoring sessions are necessary.
Additional Musicians - You have the option of adding additional musicians to your service.
Live Stream - You now have the option of live streaming your B'nei Mitzvah service for a nominal fee.

Please contact Jen Kaufman with any questions at jkaufman@wbtla.org.

Meet our B'nei Mitzvah Tutors

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah?

A Bar Mitzvah, "son of the commandment," or Bat Mitzvah, "daughter of the commandment" is a Jewish rite of passage. B'nei is the plural form of the words “Bar” and “Bat”. The Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah ceremony formally and publicly acknowledges that a young person has reached the age when they are no longer a minor according to Jewish law and is thereby obligated to take on new religious privileges and the responsibilities of an adult. Among other things, these include moral responsibility for one’s own actions and eligibility to read from the Torah.

When can my child become a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah?

What is my role as a parent, and how may my family participate in this special ceremony?

During the Friday night service before the Saturday service, the immediate family of the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah is invited to recite the blessing over the candles, and light the Shabbat candles. Following the service, the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah family recites the Kiddush, the blessing over the wine, and Motzi, the blessing over the challah, together with the cantor and rabbi.

Parents are also invited to sit on the bimah during Saturday morning services. Stepparents are only invited to sit on the bimah if all parties agree to this in writing. There are many honors for close family and friends throughout the Shabbat morning service. At the beginning of the Torah service, the Torah is taken out of the Ark for a special passing of the Torah ceremony. The Torah is symbolically passed from parent to child, from generation to generation. Family members can also be honored with an aliyah (the blessing before and after the reading of the Torah), by opening the ark for the Amidah, dressing the Torah (G’lilah), or opening the ark before the Aleinu.

Parents are also invited to offer a brief blessing to their child after the words of gratitude. Speaking to your child after he, she or they reads from the Torah is a rare and precious moment in a parent’s life. When preparing your blessing, please make certain the blessing is about your child’s character, your hopes and dreams for your child and about the value of Torah, tradition, family and Jewish commitment. The most successful blessings do not exceed one page per parent.

Who can have an aliyah?

What if I, or a member of my family is not Jewish? May we still participate in the ceremony?

We recognize the uniqueness of each family's situation. We do not want anyone to compromise his or her beliefs or identity, nor do we wish anyone to take on a role or speak words that are not consistent with his or her religious identity. We also understand that this is a joyous occasion for the whole family, and that all family members have made a commitment to participation in Jewish life.

While non-Jewish family members are invited to stand with the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah during an aliyah, we do not call them to the Torah and invite them to chant the aliyah. The blessings before and after reading from the Torah refer to the obligations Jews owe to God, and thus it is not considered fitting (as it is not their obligation) for them to lead the congregation in these blessings. We do invite all family members, regardless of religion, to participate in all other honors including offering a parent blessing, opening the Ark before the Amidah and Aleinu, and dressing the Torah (G’lilah). Please use these principles in assigning honors to your family. If you have any questions about your family's participation in services, please feel free to consult with the Cantor, one of the Rabbis, or the Director of B’nei Mitzvah Engagement.

Can I request a specific rabbi or cantor for my child’s service?

The rabbi and cantor for your celebration will be assigned approximately 10 months in advance. Clergy are assigned on a rotational basis and understandably not all clergy are available on all weekends. If you have a relationship with one of our clergy, please let us know. While we cannot promise to honor specific requests, this information is nevertheless helpful to us.

Can I create a personalized program for the service?

Why do some families throw candy during the service?

The Shabbat before a couple gets married, there is a custom to throw candy at them when they are called to the Torah. This is to wish them a sweet new life as a married couple. In the last 50 years or so, some have extended this custom to B'nei Mitzvah services. While it's meaningful to connect the act of taking on greater responsibility within the Jewish community with the sweetness of our tradition, the reality is a messy, loud, and chaotic experience in the middle of a service. This can be very disruptive for the Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah child so we have a "no candy" policy during our services. Save the sweetness for after the service!

Do I need to wear a kippah or tallit during the service?

As a Reform congregation, all students have the option of wearing kippot and tallitot during the service, though we encourage it at Wilshire Boulevard Temple. As wearing a tallit is a special privilege and responsibility of becoming a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah, each child participates in a special tallit ceremony with Wilshire Boulevard Temple clergy immediately prior to the Shabbat morning service. While we do have a small number of tallitot and kippot available for use during the service, parents often choose to bring a tallit that has family meaning or use one that was made during Wilshire Boulevard Temple’s Religious School or at Brawerman Elementary School. Finally, you can also purchase a new one as a special gift for your child.

What if my child has special learning needs?

At Wilshire Boulevard Temple we believe that every person deserves the opportunity to celebrate becoming a Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah. We know that not all students learn the same way, they do not have the same natural talents or abilities, and they come from very different life experiences. We are committed to working with every student, and to making this event a truly positive and enriching experience for every family. We look forward to working towards this goal for your child's ceremony.

What is the difference between a double and a single Bar, Bat or B'nei Mitzvah?

What is a Tikkun Olam Project?

What if my child is having the service in Israel, but not on the Wilshire Boulevard Temple B’nei Mitzvah Israel trip? How can Wilshire Boulevard Temple be involved?

We are there for you! If you are Temple members in good standing and your child is enrolled in one of our schools, our tutors and clergy will help prepare your child. Please note that while our clergy cannot officiate the service in Israel, we do recommend several wonderful rabbis in Israel with whom we work closely. Additionally, we invite your family to join us for a Friday night service in Los Angeles, to share in candlelighting and Kiddush, and so we can present your child with a special gift on behalf of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple community. Please note that the service in Israel must be held no more than six months prior to the child's 13th birthday.

What if I wish to use my own instructor to help my child prepare for the service, instead of one of the Wilshire Boulevard Temple instructors?

What is appropriate attire for the service?

The sanctuaries and chapels of Wilshire Boulevard Temple are sacred spaces. Your choice of clothing as you enter these spaces should reflect that holiness. As you make choices about what to wear to services, please keep that in mind. Modesty for people of all ages and genders is encouraged on our bimahs. This includes but is not limited to - covered shoulders, knees and appropriate necklines for those wearing dresses and/or blouses, a suit, dress shirt, and tie for those wearing suits, and appropriate shoes for all B'nei Mitzvah.

Do we have to provide a Kiddush lunch for the congregation?

No, you are not required to host a Kiddush lunch (meal following the service), though many families choose to do so. We have several venues at our campuses for Kiddush lunch and reservations are made on a first-come, first-serve basis.

We encourage families that share the bimah to discuss their plans with each other before finalizing any requests. For additional questions please contact Cheryl Garland, Events and Program Manager at cgarland@wbtla.org.