Kol Nidrei - 5785/2024 Rabbi Eshel

Kol Nidrei 5785/2024
Rabbi David Eshel
Resnick Family Campus
Wilshire Boulevard Temple, Los Angeles

 

This being Yom Kippur, I need to admit something to you. On one hand I’m not proud of it. But on the other… I am very proud of it. There are hundreds of people around the world that have a selfie of me on their phones. Whenever I am asked to take a picture of someone or a group of people I always take a selfie as well… I even do it when I see others taking group selfies and offer to take their picture for them! I did this once for 45 minutes in front of the Lincoln Memorial nearly a year ago! I had the honor of representing our community in Washington DC last November. I am embarrassed to say the last time I was in DC was over 40 years ago so of course I went a day early in order to explore. I started at the lincoln memorial and planned to make my way to the capital building. Understanding the context of my visit to washington dc, namely the march in support of Israel and the return of the then 251 hostages, my emotions were raw and heavy… I stood staring at this miraculous sculpture… but was shaken by the words on the walls…civil war, hatred, and death… so you can imagine I needed a little bit light to lift me up so I spent the next 45 minutes taking pictures and bringing smiles… but that light would not last as I made my way across the mall, the Vietnam memorial, name after name after name, the World War II memorial, 4000 golden stars, each representing 100 military deaths, then the American history museum where the actual star spangled banner is preserved, rockets red glare and bombs bursting in air, and the natural history museum with it’s exhibit on climate change and how we are destroying the world. And I was only in DC because of the slaughter of our people… Let’s take a step back a month from that moment… the date is October 11th, a wednesday… every wednesday I am blessed with the opportunity to share torah stories with our precious nursery school children. They always coming walking into the chapel one by one by one smiles on their angelic faces and on that day I do not see their faces rather the faces of murdered child after murdered child after murdered child after murdered child and I have to hide behind the bimah to stop from trembling and fight back my tears. Now let's jump to December of 23. I led a small group of temple members to Israel in order to volunteer, doing what, we didn't know for sure…, maybe at the very least to bear witness and give hugs. As we make our way down to passport control we are met with poster after poster, picture after picture of hostages… and the our initial stop? Tel Aviv and the first iteration of the Nova festival exhibit. As I’m walking through the exhibit, rows and rows of shows rows and rows of glasses and iphones and wallets… if I didn't know better I would have thought I was at a holocaust museum. I am standing next to an art installation of dirty and bloodied jackets. I notice a man moving them across the bar. I immediately go over to the curator, so angry, how dare this person disturb the piece of art… and the curator says to me, that’s not art… that’s lost and found…just then the young man finds his jacket, takes it is his hands brings it to his face, taking a deep breath in, and starts weeping… all I could do was walk over and give him a hug, every kibbutz we visited, burned out buildings, broken glass, crumbled walls, with spray painted signs letting us know that this area was now cleared of bodies…when I returned home my wife says it took months before she recognized me again… and then… encampments at UCLA my beloved alma mater, pro-palestinian pro-hamas anti -Israel anti - Jewish encampment destroyed my quad and discustingly vandalized my buildings and my lecture hall… all the while physically baring Jewish students from going to class!...and this happened at universities all over the country… Jewish students fearing for their lives just going to class… then my next solidarity mission to Israel is canceled because of Iranian missiles and drones but at least I would find some reprieve on my family’s trip to Italy. Right? We planned on spending Passover seder with my friends at their reform congregation in Rome. As the day approached we received an email from the synagogue with directions to the seder and rules to follow before entering. “Please do not wear any overt Jewish symbols and if you will be wearing a kippah please do not wear it until you enter the building.” We were first confused and when the realization of what was being asked finally hit us, we were sad, a bit scared, and feeling very alone. As we walked through the neighborhood, making our way to the community center, we passed graffiti of swastikas and anti-Israel slogans. My kippah was in my pocket. We were greeted at the door by two Italian soldiers standing guard… After our time in Italy my family returned to the states and continued on to Israel. Everyday for a week I went to a different farm to volunteer and was met with overgrown or dried up crops, rotting fruit and vegetables, and land laid to waste. A disaster under the constant threat of rockets… as many of you know I spend my summers in residence at our sleepaway camps Camp Hess Kramer and Gindling hilltop camp… I knew the summer would be different than any other I’ve experienced in the last 23 years. I was filled with the fear of the unknown. How has this past year affected our children? What questions will they have? What do they know? What do they not know? Are they scared? Are they nervous? Do they feel safe? And what about our campers from Israel? The 18 beautiful souls, all from the same kibbutz within the Gaza envelope, who we knew experienced unimaginable trauma, how would they be? What fears would they be coming with? How would our American campers react and interact with them? 

But besides that, how was the play Mrs. Lincoln?

So which one am I? Am I a half empty person or a half full? I have always thought of myself as a half full person, looking at life with a positive perspective, finding the good, embracing optimism. But how, look at what I just shared? How do I, how do we find hope in such darkness, in such pain, in such evil? Honestly it has been paralyzing. Until this past summer when I had an a ha moment…or more like acha moment!... It is not either or… the glass is not half full or half empty… it is both at the same time. I cannot ignore the full in the face of the empty nor can I ignore the empty in the face of the full… It is like courage… courage is not strength in the absence of fear but rather strength in spite of the fear… there is no courage without fear… it is the same with hope. Hope exists because there is pain, because there is fear, because there is darkness otherwise there is no need for hope… yet it doesn’t end there. Hope is not something passively received. Hope is actively created. We will read about it tomorrow in our torah portion… atem nitzavim ha yom kulchem lifnei adonai elohichem… you, me, all of us are standing up tall with our heads held high before our God… blessings and curses, hope and darkness are placed before us and in the face of darkness…we choose hope… we are active creators of hope. 

Let’s go back to Washington DC
Over 300,000 Jews show up to support Israel, to love Israel, and demand our hostages come home. I stand directly in the middle… in front me, I cannot see the end… behind me I cannot see the end 300,000 Jews… reform Jews, conservative Jewish, orthodox Jews, cultural Jews, secular Jews, politically left, politically right, 300,000 jews singing hatikvah, literally the hope, singing as one voice… 300,000 Jews…nearly the equivalent of the jewish community in all of Canada… 300,000 Jews… they are all active creators of hope. 

And speaking of Canada… two charted flights from Toronto had landed in DC to attend the rally, when their bus drivers learned where they were taking the group… the bus drivers refused to take them… they missed the rally but what did they do instead? On the tarmac hundreds of Toronto Jews held their own rally in support and in love of Israel. They are active creators of hope. 

My trip to Israel? Those four men who accompanied me, 2 of whom had never even been to Israel before. They came with me to let the people of Israel know they are not alone.  Those four men are active creators of hope! 

And the Nova festival exhibit? There are members of our congregation who experienced it just as I had… and they made it their mission to bring the exhibit to Los Angeles. They are active creators of hope. 

And on college campuses, in the face of hatred and fear, two incredible young Jewish women from our congragation, Eden Yadegar at Columbia and Yazmin Ohebsion at Tulane became active, visible, outspoken pro Israel, pro Jewish leaders on their campuses and were invited to speak before Congress. Eden and Yazmin are active creators of hope. 

Back in Rome… we enter the community center and are immediately met by my friend Pam and her beautiful family. Pam is part of the leadership of this community who grew up at Wilshire Boulevard temple and sends her girls to our camps every summer! After all the hugs and smiles and sweet words of welcome we entered the main hall and were greeted to the sight of a hundred people seated on the outside and inside of multiple rectangular tables arranged as if they were a picture frame. We are introduced to Rachel, the woman leading the seder, also an expat from New Jersey. The sedar was split fifty/fifty. Half, local Italians Jews and half Jews from all over the world! How do I know this? To start off our seder, Rachel went around the room and had us all introduce ourselves. We had jews from England, Spain, Argentina, Germany, the US, Canada, Portugal, Israel, and I am sure I am forgetting a few. They were families on vacation, people visiting friends, students studying abroad, young 20-somethings traveling through Europe. The warmth, connection, and gratitude was palpable. From Ma Nishtana, to children searching for the afikoman with giggles and joy, Dayenu, and next year in Jerusalem, I have never felt so connected to world Jewry as I did that day. Pam and Rachel are active creators of hope.

In Israel on the farms, I am working side by side, planting and picking, and pruning with a cross section of Israeli society. A young, secular couple from Tel Aviv laughing and chatting away as they plant celery. Two large families speaking a mix of English and Hebrew with thick Brooklyn accents even though the adult parents have been in the country for over 30 years. They are religious from Jerusalem and the children pay no attention as their skirts and their tzitzit are getting dirty from working so close to the ground. There is a group of four women from the north, friends from childhood, these 70 somethings sing the pioneer songs of their youth as they laugh and reminisce. The farmers’ fears of an unknown future are tempered for the moment. Day after day volunteers from all over the country, from every demographic are showing up to help.Countless WhatsApp groups are filled with daily opportunities and it gives new meaning to the phrase, all Israel is responsible for one another. As we plant orange tree saplings in a new orchard the river of metaphor is not lost on me. Farmer after farmer thanked us with near tears in their eyes, saying “without you, all would be lost.”  On the farm, sweaty, dirty, muscles aching, bodies tired, Each and everyone of those volunteers is an active creator of hope. 

Our summer at camp started off with joy… and hesitation… as the israeli teens pulled in the gates they were met by a sea of excited American campers, cheering and waving their signs of welcome… After a few days, acclimating to their new surroundings, the Israelis began to open up… a few them asked to offer a prayer for the hostages at one of our prayer services. And it was hard, hard to hear, hard to see. As you can imagine the mood was heavy, somber, quiet. The rest of the service was done with personal prayer, also quiet… that is…until the end… with our closing song… starting slow, then a building tempo, sharing music from Israel, sharing music from America… music of hope, of unity, of strength and the room erupted in joy and voices and song! Tears of sadness turning to tears of joy. Israeli teens, American teens intertwined, arms around each other, jumping and cheering and laughing and smiling, streaming out of their seats into the isles and up on the bima as if shaking off the heaviness of the year, yearning to fly! And fly they did, Oseh Shalom! Yachad lev el lev! Am Yisrael Chai! Together we will bring peace, our hearts will beat as one, and the people of Israel live! Our Israeli campers, our American campers, all of them together, active creators of hope.

And I’ve saved the best for last… that day on Oct 11th 2023 sharing torah stories with our beautiful nursery school students… As I said earlier, I was visibly shaken by the images in my head as the children entered the chapel and sat down together in front of me… that is until sweet, sweet, precious Raya raised her hand to share something she said was very important. 

“Rabbi Eshel! My daddy says there are people who came into Israel to try and take the Torah away from us. They don’t want us to have the torah … and we can’t let that happen.  That’s why YOU are here to teach us the Torah and that‘s why WE are here to learn the Torah, so Rabbi Eshel, start the story already!” Raya… 5 years old is an active creator of hope.

Hope changes nothing of the past… but it means everything to our present and our future. We have the mandate, we have the role models, we have the declaration, Atem nitzvavim ha yom, we stand before you o’ God…and we have the driving question. How will we, each of us in our own way, in the face of so much darkness, be active creators of hope? Gamar Chatima tova… May we all be written in the book of life. Let’s get to work.