|
She sat across from me and cried as she told me that her daughter hasn’t spoken to her in years and that her heart breaks a little more each day. He told me that he had to end all contact with his son because the challenges they faced in their relationship just couldn’t be resolved, no matter how much outside support and therapy they received. She mentioned that she hasn’t seen her sisters in years and she wishes she knew her nieces and nephews. The bride and groom tell me that we can’t mention his grandparents because his parents don’t talk to them anymore. Her sister won’t be coming to her daughter’s bat mitzvah because she is no longer a part of the family. The list goes on and on. All of these are real-life examples of familial estrangement that have come up in conversations I’ve had with members of our community.
Many of us will have the blessing of sitting around a Thanksgiving table next week with members of our family with whom we share great joy and love. But others will be mourning the loss, and even death, of certain familial relationships. They will be looking across the table, maybe even smiling or laughing externally, but inside, they will be sitting with a pain that punctures their hearts.
According to recent research, 1 in 4 people say they are estranged from a member of their family. Some indications seem to suggest that familial estrangement is on the rise and as psychologist and author, Joshua Coleman, suggests, “We have a culture that's very rich in the language of separation and individuation and labeling and diagnosis but a completely impoverished culture around ideas of connectedness and interdependency and mutual reliance.”
The pain of this familial brokenness is found in this week’s Torah portion, Chayei Sarah, translated as ‘the life of Sarah’ and referring to the wife of our patriarch, Abraham. This portion begins with Sarah’s death which comes on the heels of one of the most troubling and famous passages in the Torah - the Binding of Isaac. There, we experience Abraham almost sacrificing his own son, Isaac. The family was ripped apart by Abraham’s actions on that mountaintop. Nowhere in the story do we learn of Sarah’s response, only that Sarah dies and Isaac never speaks to his father again.
One of the beauties of our Jewish tradition, and especially the Torah, is that it doesn’t shy away from the most challenging and consequential issues in our lives. It is meant to open our hearts and minds to the complexities of the world and to raise awareness about the issues that may or may not affect us directly. Chances are that you, or someone you know, is dealing with some form of familial estrangement. To heal a fractured world requires us to open our hearts and offer comfort and love to those in pain.
For those who are experiencing some form of estrangement, I send you prayers of healing and peace. For those who know someone dealing with this challenge, I urge you to take the time before Thanksgiving to reach out with words of comfort. For those who are lucky enough to find this issue to be completely foreign, please double down on your gratitude during this holiday season.
I want this community to be a place where those who suffer can find support and comfort. If you would like to be connected to other members of our community who are on a similar journey, please send me an email at rabbijoel@wbtla.org. Wilshire Boulevard Temple is here to help you connect with others. You do not need to go through this alone.
Like so much in our tradition, the Torah portion offers us some hope. Eventually, Isaac, despite the trauma and challenges he faced within his family, meets the love of his life, Rebecca. He finds comfort after a long and painful journey. The famous rabbinic commentator, Rashi, points out that when Isaac is able to redirect his attention to something else, in his case, Rebecca, he reignites pieces of himself that had laid dormant for a long time. In other words, despite the significant losses in his family life, he was able to find new purpose and meaning. We all deserve to find some form of comfort and care. Despite our personal and collective challenges, this season gives us the opportunity to highlight the people, places, and perspectives that can bring more light and love into our lives. When we sit around the Thanksgiving table next week, let’s share our gratitude for the opportunities we have to bring healing, comfort, love, and joy to ourselves, our loved ones, and the broader world.
Shabbat Shalom,
Joel
|
